(ID: yixintongxue) the second Wednesday in September 2009 is such an impressive day in my memory

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I remember that it was a fine day and there was no class in the afternoon

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After my lunch break, I went to the library to read a book

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In the evening, before I had time to have dinner, I rushed to the grade meeting of the college

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The grade meeting was a routine meeting at the beginning of each semester

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The teacher called the roll more seriously than the class, so I chose to be present when I had learned to play truant

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I even remember that I was wearing a light yellow short sleeve cardigan and a denim pleated skirt that day, carrying a new backpack I bought in the summer vacation with a thick textbook of econometrics in it

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The reason why I am so impressed is that that day, I met the book Kafka by the sea, which changed my life

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Before, I only read the Norwegian forest written by Haruki Murakami, and I still don’t know why

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But that day, I strolled around the library, looking for books along the bookshelves, and when I saw Kafka by the sea, I went back to my seat with it

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I don’t know how the book shocked me like thunder

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I just remember that the mood of “must read it quickly” urged me not to go to dinner

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Kafka Tamura, a 15-year-old boy, was abandoned by his mother when he was a child

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When he grew up, he carried his father’s fierce curse

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On his 15th birthday, he made up his mind to run away from home and find his own destiny

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In the book, Haruki Murakami says that each of us is experiencing something similar to “sandstorm” – there is no sun, no moon, no direction, and even no time

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And the sandstorm I experienced at that time seemed so superficial, but it was a long and hopeless unrequited love and bitter love

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But whose youth has not been completely disturbed by another person, he set off a bloodbath in your world, but as if he did not know it, he stood under the clear sky and watched silently

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He has all kinds of good that you can’t give up, the only bad is that he doesn’t love you

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In the noisy school auditorium, I saw that he had a nearly perfect side face not far away

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I just looked along his line of sight, only to see that his eyes fell directly on another girl

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I looked down, only to see Murakami written on the page: “so what you can do is to step straight into the sandstorm, cover your eyes and ears tightly to prevent the dust from entering, step by step through it.” Just thinking of these words, I walked by him again and again, but it seemed that I didn’t even have heartbreak and disappointment

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From that day on, I read Haruki Murakami’s books along the bookshelf every day, from “adventures in sheep hunting” to “dancing! Dance! Dance! 》From after dark to Sputnik lovers

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When I saw “the end of the world and the cold Wonderland”, the boy finally took the girl’s hand, but I still had nothing to do every day to cross a person’s winter

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I pray not to meet them in the campus, but the original big campus suddenly become so small

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We meet from time to time, and I only see her beautiful like early spring, like midsummer, like the winter morning with a thin layer of snow

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But me

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I never dare to face myself in the mirror

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One day, I went to the library to read Kawabata Yasunari’s lyric

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He just came in and handed me a distant and familiar smile

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I hurriedly lowered my head and only looked at the words on the paper

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I could hardly control the tears in my eyes

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On the paper, Kawabata Yasunari wrote: “since I lost you, I’ve been bored with the words of flowers and birds, and I feel lonely and empty about everything

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Suddenly, the passage between heaven and earth and my soul has been completely cut off

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I’m sad to lose my lover, but I’m even sadder to lose a heart of love

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” That’s how the long winter of those years began

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Just like in “the end of the world and cold Wonderland”, one goes through the snowy field submerged by the storm, and one goes into the fate like a sandstorm

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How difficult it is to forget

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I’m trapped like a unicorn in the story of our little acquaintance

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Every tenderness is ruminated infinitely, and every conversation is replayed like an old movie

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The only difference is that I can no longer hope for him

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Fortunately, fortunately, there was 1q84 later

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Since the winter of 2010, I have read this set of books almost every year

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Miss green bean, as a fitness coach and killer, and Mr

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tianwu, as a math teacher and novelist, let me rise to yearn for love again

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They have been waiting for each other for 20 years after their separation, and even willing to sacrifice their lives to save each other in the extremely difficult 1q84 year

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Green bean said: “it doesn’t matter to be alone

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As long as you love someone from your heart, life will be saved

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Even if I can’t live with him

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” I was rescued from the abyss of frustration by this sentence

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Although I know that I have forgotten him, I also know from now on that what can save my life is warm and bright love

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Whether this love is for a specific person, or for the whole vast world

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And I finally have some confidence – about love can span waiting, about what kind of faith a person should hold to live in this seemingly crowded but actually lonely world

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In the evening of September 2009, hungry and almost late, I walked into the broad and bright auditorium of the school and into more than 600 classmates

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But no one knew that I was no longer different from before

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He rewrote my youth and even my whole destiny

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Before that, I was lonely, sensitive, vulnerable, trying my best to magnify my own shortcomings, falling into the depression of love early, and even having an anxious hatred for life

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I didn’t know love at all, so I began to sneer at the whole world, and often broke out bad temper

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Now, even I don’t know what the 18-year-old girl, who is in her best years, is sad every day

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But after I met his book, I got better day by day

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It seemed that I was the boy named Kafka Tanura who was lonely in the jungle

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Like him, I finally embraced the tenderness and warmth of the world

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Later I learned that the best years are not determined by age

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Now I am a much older man, my face is no longer full of collagen, but I have a slight laugh on my eyes

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I have a headache for a long time after I stay up

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I need to apply the mask hard to keep my skin in a desirable state

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But life is getting better and better

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I accept myself from the bottom of my heart

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I live a free, thrifty and comfortable life

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My life is more simple and handsome, and I don’t worry that no one will love me any more

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When I think of the time before I was 20 years old, I feel sorry for myself who lost and despaired because I didn’t get a person’s love, but it’s a pity

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Today, looking back at the old diary of 2009 and seeing some vague names, I know how much affection and kindness I failed

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At that time, the spring was flourishing and the days were so long and graceful, but I never found my own good and the world was so vast that it was not worth grieving for a person for too long

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Now, even though there are so many girls who are as beautiful as early spring, midsummer and winter morning with a thin layer of snow, I just smile in the mirror

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In this huge crowd turbulent world, my heart finally grew a firm anchor, no longer like duckweed floating, no one to rely on

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I finally understood Paul Valery’s poem that I read when I was young

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He said to be as light as a bird, not as a feather.

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