On this path, I was running with a grim face and faltering steps, while humming along with the roaring singer.
wait a while.
The next day, I returned to this alley.
The length of this song is 3 minutes and 31 seconds, and the sentence “She hates me” has been repeated countless times.
I hope those bad feelings and heartbreak will soon disappear.
I wore an old pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and spent 30 seconds walking from my apartment to a dark alley.
In fact, I didn’t realize what I was doing.
Affected by divorce and deep-rooted mental health problems, Bella suffered from severe depression and anxiety, and even couldn’t find the courage to get up from the sofa to repair her life.
I want to run.
I am nearly 30 years old, and I am afraid that divorce will become another excuse, which will make me shrink back, make me more closed, and fear to face the real life.
It is really, really, very difficult to take running as a long-term sport.
Only the experience of those who have experienced it personally can help others.
I’m grateful to it; However, as soon as I find someone approaching, I will stop immediately.
The cat didn’t disappear immediately.
There are two important criteria: first, it is close to home and safe enough; Second, it is quiet enough that no one will laugh at me.
In the book “Running Saves My Life”, Bella Mackie tells how she, as a patient with anxiety and depression, overcame all kinds of difficulties, improved her mood and mental state through running, and put her life back on track: I still don’t know why I chose running as a tool at the darkest moment of my life.
On the contrary, I have been suppressing the need to escape – from my thoughts and negative thoughts, from the accumulated and intensified worries.
I really don’t want to be seen by strangers.
I think I really want to run.
The extreme fear of the supermarket dispelled all such grand ideas.
However, in my self-doubt, I still picked up the key and put on my sneakers.
But in these 15 minutes, at least there was no crying, which was good enough for me.
In this way, I ran for three minutes in stages (three minutes in each stage, almost the length of a song!), and then returned home.
For me, I can also take this opportunity to break up with the fear that has troubled me all my life.
On the other hand, I am eager to get rid of the stereotype of gluttony in dealing with divorce – I am always eager to get a quick fix.
After all, divorce is always a good time to try new things.
Do I feel better? No, Do I enjoy the process? not.
I’m completely unprepared to run on the playground.
This feeling is terrible.
I experienced pain in my shin, which was deadly painful; I tried to run to the top of the mountain, but the fact proved that I could not defeat the mountain.
I don’t know what I’m doing or what I hope to get from this process.
Run again.
These worries piled up and became more and more heavy, which made it difficult for me to get rid of.
As a result, in the next few weeks, I became ambitious, but occasionally encountered some minor disasters.
When I accumulate energy and run, it looks at me contemptuously.
Fortunately, the only living creature here is a cat.
To overcome these difficulties, simple encouragement has little effect.
On the spur of the moment, they can hold on for a few days.
I ran for a few seconds, took a few steps, and stopped.
Until one day she did something that her free will had never done before – go running.
But I have a force in my heart that overturns all excuses.
It’s easy to run once in a while, but it’s too difficult to persist! Bella Mackie was once a patient with anxiety and depression.
I have never done any strenuous exercise before.
The first few attempts were pathetic.
This song is not my usual taste, but I don’t want to hear any song that will make me cry (almost any song can make me cry), and the lyrics of this song are very angry and just meet my requirements.
On the third day, I also came.
To my surprise, I didn’t give up.
This feeling is very funny.
I heard a song from the mud band, “She hates me”.
If someone appears in the dark, I will immediately freeze and stay still.
But that song aroused my adrenaline, so I took a rest and started running again.
Many people suddenly want to go out for sports on a whim.
I gasped like a cow, and my lungs seemed to be burning.
Running is like a strange language, not only because I am not suitable for this sport, but also because it seems to belong to healthy and happy ordinary people, rather than to nervous smokers who are scared of everything.
.
I feel ridiculous and a little ashamed – it’s like I’m doing something improper and invisible.
I had to accept the failure and took a bus; I was running in the nearby park, and suddenly found that the sun had gone down, and I was alone in the dark park, so I experienced another panic attack; I fell and cried like a child.
I wore headphones and searched for the right music.
Most people may also stay at the stage of “walking around the door”.
But anyway, I continued to run – always in the dark, always secretly, as if doing something against the law and discipline.
I think I ran for about 30 seconds and then had to stop.
And I soon began to question whether I had fallen into a delusion – I even wanted to run, which was really a strange thing.
Perhaps the sudden running impulse symbolizes that the body wants to escape from the cage of the mind.
I really can’t wait.
I didn’t run in the prairie or in the downpour like in the movie.
This kind of self-punishment is too brutal.